Stop Slut Shaming Yourself.

by

Slut shaming. I get it, it’s a natural habit. I have serious opinions on fashion and taste. I would be lying to you if I didn’t look at some girl’s account and think her legs spread open in a neon g-string while looking like she just climaxed was a little much. That’s why I labeled the post, “stop slut-shaming yourself“.

If we were all a little more honest with each other, we would have no problem saying that we all have our own perimeters on what photos we find hot and what we throw into our mental whore house pile. I know I sure don’t love everyone’s self-expression when it comes to what they wear, pictures they post, or what comes out of their mouth. It’s a natural thing that no one wants to confess, but…I’m getting sidetracked.

The point of this post is to share my experience with body confidence and embracing my sexuality. I no longer feel the need to obsess over if it’s ok to post a instagram photo of my ass, feel that post guilt after having sex on a first date, asking my friend if I can buy a skirt, or take advice from every f*cking relative on what they think that line is when it comes to being classy or a slut.

In order to get know my past level of insecurity about my body and where it came from, I will start with this: I come from a very CONSERVATIVE family. I am not talking about the kind where you can’t wear crop tops & bikinis. I am talking about the ones were I had wear a t-shirt over my one piece bathing suit during a family pool party.

When I developed at age 13 with size D tits and a big ass, shopping was a nightmare full of crying fests and arguments. It really caused me to go a little a-wall when I finally left the house. I am talking camel toe galore with boobs falling out of skimpy sports bras and my shorts being so tight they suffocated my ass. Also, the nightly coffee runs to Starbucks in Uggs and booty shorts because all blondes have done that at some point in their life. Did I mention wearing a size small in everything (because apparently that is what the cool girls do) even though I am curvy meant to live in a size medium or large and instead I was looking like a fat barbie?

It wasn’t “HAWT” or “HOT AS F*CK” or “YES B*TCHH”.

It was “HORRENDOUS” and “TRASHY AS F*CK” and “NO B*TCH. STOP.”.

BUT, you guys have no idea (or maybe some of you do) of how much I needed a cleansing phase from the turtle necks and granny skirts. Even when I was looking like a prostitute walking down the street and awkwardly dating douchers in big trucks, I wasn’t comfortable wearing the clothes that I did (mentally and physically not comfortable) and kept questioning my choices in dating (some that needed to be questioned).

Fast forward to now, the conservative clothes have been thrown in the trash and the rebellion phase has past – thank god. Since venturing into modeling and blogging, I wear “revealing” outfits and post seductive photos. You can bet there is a lot of SHIT that is thrown my way by others with their opinion on what I should put on my blog or social media.

I had a co-worker the other day pull up a photo of a fitness girl that was laying down on the beach in a bikini and he asked, “is she selling fitness or her body?”. In that moment I found it comical and pulled up an identical photo of myself laying down in the beach in a bikini. Past me would have turned my head the other way or excused myself to go cry in the bathroom. In that moment though, we compared the photos and made a basic b*tch joke while going about our day.

Here are my viewpoints on how I feel about slut shaming now

(especially being in the modeling and blogging industry)


 

The word “slut” has no meaning to me.

I eventually got so sick of hearing myself blame the media, my mom, my best friend, and instagram for allowing me to slut shame myself. I am a grown ass woman, which means I get to decide how I interpret a word. In fact if someone called me a slut, I would probably like it (and I don’t mean just inside the bedroom). That means that I probably look hot as f*ck and I am stirring up their insecurities. The cause to slut shaming myself was focusing too much on the approval of others and taking someone’s opinion as a statement.

Everyone has their own opinions.

When I started launching my online businesses, my slut shaming became worse as I focused on what thousands of people versus my very small group of friends were going to think of me. I would have to text five friends asking if they thought my super-modest-ruffle-virgin bikini was going to offend my followers. I would post neutral quotes on my basic photos of me smiling saying “life is beautiful & adventure is out there”. I would stray away from topics about sex or never cuss or be real for the fear of losing followers. It was exhausting and completely useless, as I wasn’t being genuine or building a loyal following of people who get me. As soon as I came out of my shell screaming “f*ck” and taking hot bikini photos, there were a lot of unfollows and shock as you can probably imagine.

The upside is I am building my core group of people now. The tribe of people that support me, love me, find me hilarious, and want to keep updated on my life. The kind that likes taking sexual photos and wearing hot outfits. The ones who display their sexuality with confidence and talk about hook-ups/dating/sex openly. The ones who play by their own rules with no care to shame themselves for loving their body and being sexual by nature. The sarcastic, bad-ass bitches are my type of people that I choose to attract and stay connected with online and offline.

By slut shaming myself, I was too invested in quantity versus quality. 

I buy clothes that make me feel hot.

Like I stated previously in this post, fashion is very OPINIONATED. I could be walking down the street in my spandex shorts thinking nothing of it while I have given about three grandmas panic attacks. If I show my tits or ass or wear tight clothes, I could care less if some girl or guy thinks I’m a slut. I broke the nasty habit of constantly having to get outfit approval by spending hours shopping ALONE. As girls, we are taught to shop/pee/eat in packs which is the worst when you have no self-esteem and can’t dress yourself. Shopping alone was my saving grace.

And on a real note, I am writing this post currently in vs underwear that probably needs to me thrown away because the lace has tears in it and wearing my boyfriend’s batman robe. I don’t always dress up in hot outfits (looking homeless 99% of the time) and my outfits don’t define who I am. Pretty sure that even though I have a love for crop tops that doesn’t mean I am a stripper doing lap dances on old men who use viagra.

Let’s be real and open about sex!

If you have read any of my other posts or get a vibe from just reading this post, sex is a highly discussed topic over here. When I slept with my boyfriend on the first date, it wasn’t out of rebellion and a F you to my church leaders who made me write an essay on why I was going to keep my chastity – thankfully I got that out of my system already. I didn’t even think about being a slut or hoe or easy woman in that moment. I went on a fun date and then had some fun sex and then went home… in the morning.  The rules around sex and dating are once again opinionated and not meant for everyone. When I slut-shamed myself, I spent to much time thinking about what the guy would think about me after reading a book written about men from a woman’s perspective! If I hooked up with 30 guys or 1, it doesn’t f*cking matter. Sex is sex. I decide if I put a label on it.

Lastly, sex sells.

In the modeling and blogger world, people want to see hot photos of hot people. I am very aware of the fact that sex sells and I use it to my advantage. If I am selling fitness e-book full of workouts, people are going to buy from me if I have photos of my banging body. If I post seductive photos, I am going to get creepy followers and I use them to my advantage by boosting my following to reach more people. I can always use the creepers and negativity and photos of my body to my advantage to get me to where I want to go in my career. While others would find it shameful, I find it practical and resourceful. The beauty about my business is I am in the driver’s seat making the calls and building my business on my terms.

Rant over for now – I now it’s been a while since I posted since I have been back to back with photoshoots. I can’t wait to show you guys the photos and currently going through my last website overhaul. I am enjoying my Sunday before the work week! Chat soon!

-SAV

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